Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
