just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So many bounce houses so little time
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
