Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
