life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just want nice things and good sex
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
