and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
