I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Hippo gnu deer
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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