wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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