Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
