Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
