my room smells like sperm. sweet.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
