shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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