We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
