I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
