i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
