i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
