The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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