just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
