I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Sorry about my life...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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