o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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