i just had sex bonerless
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
