Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He felt like a one man threesome
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
