Christians are straight up FREAKS
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
