Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
