Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
