I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
