This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We need a shit load of segways right now
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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