i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
