Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
