k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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