like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
