are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
