$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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