i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
