Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
