im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
