All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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