I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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