BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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