Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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