Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
