im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
