How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
