Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
