Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
