She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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