Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
