I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
