Betty ford says i'm here all night
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
