what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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