she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
