that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
