I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
