Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
