dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
