I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He kissed a someone with a penis
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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