The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
