Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
