They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
