I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
