You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
