I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
