I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
