I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
