Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
soo... how was my night?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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